Never
by Pheonix2125
Summary: For the past months, Bruce has been hit by a wave of depression causing him to lock Alfred out of his life. Soon it begins affecting his public life and job. Clark and Diana notice something off about him at meetings and decide to find out the problem. warning-this story involves self-harm
1. Chapter 1

Bruce pocketed his knife inside its sheath on his utility belt after he had finished cleaning it off. The word 'never' which was etched across the blade had gleamed red only seconds ago with the tint of his blood. He hated doing this in the Justice League. There was always that nagging worry that someone would notice or smell the blood and ask him about it.

He would lie to them or tell them off of course. But, they were all superhuman, most of them, and no matter how long he had been doing this he never liked to do it around them, too many risks.

* * *

The Justice League waited patiently in the meeting room for the return of Batman. He had left claiming he had something urgent to handle and would return shortly which he assured meant less than one hour.

They had been seeing less of him over the last couple months which was no surprise considering his sunny disposition. Recently, he seemed caught up in something, probably a new threat in Gotham because this was not the first time he had kept them waiting this month. Besides that, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

He was still the ill-tempered, people hating, pale looking bat. Batman returned and quietly took his usual seat around the table. Wonder Woman swore he looked whiter than before and shook her head slightly at her friends work habits. Superman could tell his breathing was more strained than before and noticed the slight smell of blood in the air.

He didn't ask what it was from though, could be anything in their business and Batman knew how to handle himself.

"Nice of you to swing by Bats."

"We have a meeting to discuss Flash. Leave your childish games behind." Growled Batman annoyed that he was being spoken to at all.

He had internally jumped at the address out of his paranoia over the issue. He sworn he would never do it at the league again.

"Ouch a little bite there. I was only saying."

"Flash, don't start you know how he gets." Wonder Woman warned which earned her a heated bat glare.

"Thank you Diana. Now let's get down to business." Superman spoke and dived into the reason for their gathering.

The meeting didn't take too long as there wasn't much to go over. When it finished Batman disappeared from the room as was his fashion. Diana decided staying afterwards wouldn't be a bad idea and walked over to Superman with only one man on her mind.

"So, how have you been?"

"I've been doing well and you?"

"Fine and Lois?"

"She's doing well also."

"That's good."

Clark smiled at Diana's small talk. It was obvious to him something was bothering her. She was just having trouble started that conversation.

"What's on your mind?"

"What makes you think something is bothering me."

"The small talk. Not that there is anything wrong with small talk but you usually have more of a purpose even if the purpose is casual."

"Okay you got me. Has Batman looked, well, worse than usually to you recently."

"Yes, I'm sure he will manage though. It's probably just some nuts in Gotham causing trouble for him all at once."

"Oh, I'm sure it is. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one reading into this."

"No. He'll be better by the time the next meeting swings around."

"I'm sure he will. If not we could always horrify him by offering our assistance."

Clark laughed as she playfully nudged at his side with her elbow.

"I bet he would love that."

* * *

A couple weeks went by till the League saw any significant activity but Batman decided to come in any way to update the security system he had been working on for the watchtower.

Although the idea was foolish on his part in his current condition, he couldn't rake up enough motivation to care. He needed something that engaged his brain because he felt too exhausted to go on patrol. For one week straight he had been at it every day.

This had happened before a couple months ago but he was usually able to control himself so it didn't happen as often. It humiliated him in ways he hated thinking about but he'd never stop, never. It was quiet at the watch tower and no one had noticed his presence yet.

He entered the main system's room and sat down in a huff to catch his breath. Once he regained some of his composer, he inserted his data CD to write and download the program into the system.

The whole process took longer than the usual job because he spent too much of it with his eyes ringing from concentrating too large with not enough blood to sustain his work. He vaguely heard the transporters go off but ignored them. He finished what he had planned for the night and stood up quickly.

However, when he did so a wave of nausea overwhelmed him and he had to throw out his hand to stop himself from falling over. It took about a minute for him to recover and when he did he slowly started making his way out the door and through the hall. He stopped hesitantly at the door to his room in the Justice League.

He had never really used it but would it be so bad to take advantage of it. There was a meeting the next day anyway.

He could just stay the night, attend it and go back to the manor. He slide open the door and dragged his feet into the room. He removed his utility belt and cowl, collapsed on the bed and fell asleep in a matter of seconds from exhaustion.

* * *

This time it was Superman who approached Wonder Woman before the meeting began. Although he looked fine she could still make out a slight line forming on his forehead.

"So, how have you been?"

"Fine, Clark. What's on your mind."

Superman sighed and shook his head.

"Remember what we talked about last time."

"About Bruce, yeah. Why did something happen?"

"Not that I know of. But I went here last night to check up on something and I could hear him working on the security."

"Nothing out of the ordinary there."

"He stayed the night and when I caught a glimpse of him he looked awful."

"Alright everyone." Aquaman called. "It's about time for the meeting to start."

The heroes stopped their chatter and slowly started making their way to their chairs. It was then they realized that one of them was missing.

"Man he's late again. Whenever I'm late you guys throw a fit."

"When you're late it's because you were fooling around, Barry." Hawkgirl snapped.

"Ouch, okay don't get your feathers in a rut."

"Guys please." Wonder Woman groaned feeling very much like a baby sitter.

"I'm calling him on his communicator right now to see what the situation is." Superman informed them.

* * *

Bruce shifted his gaze from the wall to the communicator on his belt that was going off. He had woken up late in the morning and simply never felt like getting out of bed. There was a heaviness over him that he couldn't comprehend. He had no desire to leave the mattress and even thoughts of his duty to Gotham meant little or nothing as he lay there alone.

On instinct, he reached across the bed, removed his communicator from his belt and flipped it open.

"Batman here."

Superman hesitated to answer because Batman's voice sounded so weak.

"It's Superman. What's going on the meeting should have started ten minutes ago."

Bruce's eyes now shifted to the digital clock that read 7:13. He knew the meeting had started but some part of him had hoped they would have ignored his missing seat. Now that he had been nagged he saw no reason to stay in the room it would only make them hate him more.

"Something came up I'll be there shortly."

Clark stared thoughtfully at his communicator as Bruce hung up. He heard him inside the headquarters. At first he had though he was confused but the second time Batman spoke he was certain he heard not only his voice on the phone but his voice coming from the direction of his room. He said nothing of it but as Batman entered the room.

He observed him carefully for any signs of an injury and he didn't like what he saw. However, it was not something to be dwelled upon at the moment so he quickly started the meeting. When it was over Batman vanished again and Diana flew over to him

"I'm going to go to Gotham." Clark said.

"What?"

"There's something not right going on. Maybe if I talk to Alfred he'll know what's going on."

"Alright, keep me posted. I want to know what's going on with our dark friend as well."

* * *

Superman tried to stay in the shadows during his visit to Gotham. He desired Bruce to be unaware of his visit as he observed the situation. Of course, if Batman was having too much trouble he would assist even if his help was unapproved. But, he wasn't here to track down a villain. He was there to help a friend. He listened carefully to the sounds of the city and homed in on a criminal about six blocks away.

"I hear word buzzin' around that the Bat has a weakness."

"What? The sun." Replied a mocking voice.

"Shut up. I've got a good notion to tell you nothin' now."

"Ah stuff it. Everyone's heard it already. Ya know what? How cares? Can't never get close to the bastard to make any use out of it. Let's just do our job. Enough of this shit."

Superman hesitated slightly hoping they would say more but when they didn't he quickly took the pair down, called the police, and left them for the guys to pick them up. He sincerely hoped they wouldn't be able to tell it was his handy work. So apparently Batman got hurt somehow and it was affecting his work. It made a lot of he got permanently hurt in some way he was most likely pushing himself twenty times harder then usual. But what could he say to him? Superman shook the thoughts off and decided to search the conversations of Gotham once more. He needed to know what the weakness was.

"Makes me wonder if they were snapped yeah know? Maybe one of the big guys like Two-Face or the Riddler did somethin'."

"Pass me a beer."

Superman shook his head. He wouldn't get much out of those two because he couldn't trust their intoxicated information. He moved to someone else.

"Have you got that looked at yet? It's been over a month and if you're still having problems..."

Superman's eyes widened as he realized who was speaking, Commissioner Gordon. Which meant the only person he could be speaking to was Batman. He felt bad listening in but he had an objective to accomplish.

"…maybe you should give them a rest for a couple days."

"There is nothing to look at. Crime doesn't rest Jim."

Gordon's voice got darker suddenly. "It's permanent isn't it? Not that it effects your ability, you've show this weakness hasn't effected your duty. How'd it happen?"

"It doesn't matter it will never go away. It's only a slight inconvenience."

He was surprised Batman responded. He thought the question would have earned the commissioner a growl and an empty rooftop. Gordon must have been surprised too because it took him longer to respond.

"Maybe you just haven't found the right doctor. If you can still work with your arms it must not be that bad."

"A doctor won't help this."

So there was something wrong with Bruce's arms? Maybe he shattered one and couldn't move it as much as he used to. He heard Gordon leave the roof and knew Batman had left. As he stared at the cloudy sky, he found himself wondering if the stars in Gotham ever shined at night. He had hoped Batman was having trouble with the city because helping him with it would be no problem. However, something medical changed things. But surely the medical abilities of the Justice League could help get Batman up to par again. Now he just had to go speak with Diana and plan the best way to approach him.

* * *

Batman disappeared quickly from Gordon. He had to get away because he couldn't stand speaking to him. Gordon had been laughing at his weakness. He had been mocking him as if he knew what was wrong with his arms, like he knew he did it to himself.

It's permanent he had said. Batman would never have the same vigor again and Bruce would never be that shinning public face again. He sat in the Batmobile and just staring out the window.

He had tried so hard to quit time and time again but it was hopeless. He laid his head back against the headrest and left his eyes open a crack. He meant to kill himself the first time. It was a strange impulse that seized him after weeks of internal misery in which he couldn't stand to appear as Bruce Wayne and wanted nothing more but to disappear from the world.

The spell he fell upon had crept up on him so suddenly that before he knew it he was growing cold with thick streams of warm, red liquid running down his arm.

He stared at the blood, fascinated that what was once considered the soul in ancient times was streaming down his arm. But, the realization hit him hard that he was dying. With a gasp he had clasped his hand over the wound and quickly covered it with a tourniquet.

That was the day he kicked Alfred out of the cave.

He couldn't let him see how much he had failed him. He couldn't let him patch him up from his vigilant activities and see a horizontal scar on his wrist. So he locked up the cave. Alfred never wanted to help him with Batman anyway. He saw it as some freak show activity. Just a crazy demented way for the billionaire to spend his time.

He removed his gloves and examined the cuts on his arm. Some of the cuts had broken open from a battle with a group of thugs and he would have to redo the bandages.

He could only imagine the face of every villain in the city laughing when they found out that the great Batman's weakness was the cuts he put on his own arm. He was tired, too tired. He got out his knife, ran his finger over the words never, and placed it back on his belt. The car roared to life and rolled steadily towards the Batcave.

He would never again try to take his own life. It was too selfish. Gotham needed him and death was the easy way out.

* * *

Diana waited peacefully at a city corner cafe for Clark to arrive. He had briefly told her that the problem was one that didn't require Superman ad Wonder Woman, only their connections. Thus, she decided to meet casually. She heard Clark walk in the restaurant before she saw him take a seat.

"Any other day I'd ask about Lois but I really just want to get down to it. I cannot believe you called me yesterday just to say 'hey I know the problem but you can't know right now because I'm too busy."

"Sorry, I guess I wasn't really thinking of it at the time."

"So, what's going on with Bruce?"

"Something happened to his arms. They have been weaker recently or sore and it's forcing him to change how he goes into situations."

Diana frowned.

"Why doesn't he just bring it up to the JL? Probably that damn pride of his as usual. So I guess we'll just have to drag him up to have Martian look at him."

"I was thinking more along the lines of waiting until the next meeting to jump him."

"Clark, I love the way you think."

Clark grinned brightly at her and ordered a large slice of apple pie with a huge piece of cheddar cheese on the side.

* * *

I was looking for a really emo Bruce story with his buddies and couldn't really find one I hadn't read already so I decided to write one.

BTW ~ depression(which Bruce has in this story) should never be taken lightly because you cannot wake out easily without help as it is a mental condition also cutting is very serious and should be helped immediately. It does occur in adults but most of the time is not caught as often as in teens.


	2. Chapter 2

Bruce stared dully at the letters on his desk when he arrived home. Most of them where invitations to some event that was coming up. He looked up when he felt Alfred put a cup of chamomile tea next to him. He didn't want it but took it anyway. The invitations would have to be organized and responses would have to be written.

"Alfred."

"Yes, Master Bruce."

"Make sure to send an apology to these people."

"You won't be going again sir?" Alfred inquired with a worried tone in his voice.

"No."

"I really think you should go to at least one. It is not good for your health to stay around no one but the bats."

"You are probably right."

"Then you will go to one?"

"Sorry."

Bruce got up from his desk and timidly made his way out of the room paying particular care not to meet Alfred's eyes.

"I have a Justice League meeting to attend to."

When Bruce entered the hallway Alfred breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness." He said to himself. "At least he will be out amongst other people."

He had begun to get more and more alarmed by Bruce's behavior and the thought of him being around Superman put him a little at ease. After all, the man had super senses. He never got an explanation for being shut out of the cave but somehow he hadn't expected one.

Still, Alfred was no fool and he knew depression when he saw it. It practically wrecked off of his charge. He had expected it to wear off in a week or two but still it lingered on encasing the house with its gloom.

Talk of Batman's weakness had also not escaped his notice and he very firmly considered calling the league to tell them to look over him for he was not allowed to do so himself. Bruce had been depressed before but never to this extreme. He had cried himself silly when his parents died but he was seen in public and he did converse with others.

He did nothing now.

With those thoughts in mind Alfred made up his mind and walked briskly to the phone. He called the Justice League and asked for Superman.

"Alfred?"

"Superman"

"Will Bruce not be coming to the meeting?"

"He will but I have called for another matter, one concerning his well-being."

"What's wrong?" He asked the worry evident in his voice.

"I need you to look him over for me. I have heard he is having trouble with his arms but he will not allow me to look at him."

"He won't let you treat him?"

"No, he will not. He has locked me out of the cave."

"He locked you out of the cave!"

"I appreciate your need to clarify everything I say but I'm sure your super hearing can understand me just fine."

"Sorry, it was just a shock. Don't worry; Diana and I were already on it. We noticed something off about him and were going to ask him about it tonight while doing some diagnostics from afar."

Alfred sighed with relief on the other end.

"Thank you."

"Think nothing of it Alfred, just trying to help a friend."

Clark turned to Diana, who was standing next to him with Martian, and looked at her with slight shock.

"He locked Alfred out of the cave."

"Well, I think his problem, whatever it is, went up on my important business list."

"I quiet agree."

The three waited around for Batman to appear so they could put their plan in action.

"Okay, I bet he shows up late but Clark if he does don't mention anything to anyone and they will just keep talking."

"Glad to see I'm the only one who likes to go according to schedule."

"They just all expect you to tell them when the schedule occurs and oh there he is. Let's go."

* * *

Bruce stumbled in the Justice League hall before the meeting was to start so as not to draw much attention to himself as his last visits had. He honestly didn't understand why he bothered going to the meetings anymore but it was kind of like eating. You knew you had to so you did, nothing else drove him but this fact.

He also had needed to escape Alfred and the meeting was all too convenient. He leaned up against the wall and waited for the familiar voice of Superman to call the meeting in place. However, he wasn't expecting that same voice to approach him in an entirely different manner.

"Hey, Batman how is it going?"

Clark asked him from a surprisingly close distance. He tensed up under his cloak at the close proximity of the other man and sent a glare in Superman's direction.

"Oh, come off it Bruce all he did was make a casual greeting."

Diana chipped in who was unaffected by the glare. He felt his blood bristle at the confrontation and a sudden urge to drive them away.

"None of your business."

"What I can't ask my friend a question."

"We aren't friends."

Diana rolled her eyes.

"Right I know the title is a touchy thing for you. Well not my friend, as a fellow team member we've noticed you have a difficult injury to cure on your arms. So we wish to give you medical attention at our home base because our treatment can be better than the doctor's treatment."

For a moment Superman and Wonder Woman felt confused at the obvious baffled expression on the Dark Knight's face before it morphed into a crude, angry expression.

"Like hell I will. I can take care of myself."

He shoved through the gap between them and began marching towards the exit but Superman flew in front of him to block him.

"Hey we ju-"

"Get the fuck out of my way!"

His voice echoed off the walls of the room and the three of them began to feel sorry they didn't wait till the four of them were the only ones present. The entire League had Batman's attention but he didn't seem too concerned with that.

However, as Bruce felt his heart beat quicken and his head rush with adrenaline he couldn't stop the slow panic from creeping over him. He knew coming to the League was a bad idea but he was just a fool. He almost shook with fright the minute his mind comprehended what Clark reveled he knew to him.

It was apparent they hadn't figured everything out but at this rate it was only a matter of time. He felt like a mouse already caught in the paws of a cat but held by the tail so he was deluded into thinking he could escape. Doomed, but instincts causing him to panic to the bitter end.

"My gosh, we are only-"

"Getting in my way."

"Whoa guys, chill. What's going on over here?" Flash said as he zoomed between the four.

"Great Hera Bruce, what the hell is so hard about receiving medical attention when you need it!"

"Diana, calm down."

Martian put his hand on her shoulder as she seemed all but ready to throw out her lasso while Batman seemed equally ready to throw out a batarang.

"Maybe I shouldn't get involved but, you've gotten medical help from us plenty of times. What makes this time different." Green lantern asked.

"Oh gosh it isn't cancer is it?" Clark asked in horror. "I heard the rumors from Gotham saying it was your wrists or something but if it's something like that."

Bruce glare which had dimmed earlier turned into an ugly scowl.

"You stalked me in my city."

Clark, however, was quick on his feet.

"I went there to settle some business from Metropolis. The visit had nothing to do with you. But talk has been about in that city and I couldn't have missed the rumor."

"You should have come out about it earlier if it was this serious. How do you expect to hold your best with talk like this?"

Hawkgirl bluntly stated. Batman's brows rippled together, his mouth slightly opened, and he moved around Flash to continue towards the door.

Martin's eyes widened as he felt Batman's anger evaporate only to be replaced with fear but mostly feelings of shame and helplessness. The group seemed to be so frustrated with Batman's behavior that they were going to let him go. But the further away he got from them the more dread seemed to sink into Martin's breast.

Surly the injury was something he could handle? Or was it simply a matter of human pride? He floated over to Bruce and stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder while sending the most calming vibe possible.

This startled Bruce and on instinct he turned and flew a punch in the alien's direction. He realized his mistake halfway through and tried to stop his attack but Martian acted first. He grabbed Bruce's wrist to stop the attack causing Bruce to hiss in pain.

As the pain fogged Bruce's vision for two seconds Martian was bombarded with images of his habit and sensed the wounds through the armor that separated his hand from his wrist. He let go like he had been burned because the feelings coming off Bruce from the vision had done just that. He regained his composer quickly. Batman hide his wrist under his cloak all too conscious of what had just passed between them.

"You just went into my mind." He accused.

"Your mind was completely open."

"You can't just look in my mind whenever you feel like it!"

"I didn't look in your mind. You projected the image."

"You invaded my privacy. That's what you did."

"You were the one that almost punched the guy in the face." Flash stated from the sidelines reminding them of the other's presence. Bruce ignored the comment but his face turned stoic.

"Are you going to tell everyone else?"

"Not everyone, that would be unnecessary. I would appreciate it if you stayed here for a while longer."

"Is that even a choice?"

He snapped letting the bitterness sink into his voice. The group all stared uneasily sensing the tension in the room and waited for Martian to speak.

"Excuse me but could everyone but Clark and Diana leave the room please."

Clark and Diana sent each other worried looks while the rest of the gang walked worriedly or annoyed out of the room and closed the door.

"Contrary to your belief I will give you a choice. We can discuss this with them or your family members. It is up to you."

A fleeting look of horror passed over Bruce's eyes at the thought of Alfred or Richard finding out about his pathetic actions. Alfred would never speak to him again and Dick would never look at him the same. He kept his head down as he walked to the League table and sat down.

He slipped off his cowl because he felt stupid addressing the issue in the very symbol of his strength. The three followed close behind him and took a seat next to or across from him. Diana stared at Bruce in silent shook. She had never seen him look so defeated. His strength had left him and he held himself so little above the ground.

"There is no easy way to branch or explain what I am about to tell you. It may also sound like a lie or misunderstanding when you first hear it."

"Trust me John, we will believe you."

"I know. The rumors you have heard about his arms and wrists being sore or a weak point were true. But, he gave himself the injuries."

The two looked confused.

"What do you mean?"

Bruce kept his head turned away from them towards the floor.

"To put it bluntly, he has been cutting himself with a knife on his arms and wrist. I caught a glance of this when I touched his wrist."

The pair felt shock settle over their faces as they looked from Martian to Bruce who had yet to speak otherwise or look at them. Clark eye's searched over his friend and to his disbelief he knew that all he had been noticing added up to Martian's claim. Diana was the first to recover.

"How long? Has it been for two months? That was when Clark and I noticed something."

"I do not know."

"More importantly shouldn't we get these injuries looked at and wrapped up?"

"You think I'm stupid enough not to take care of myself" Bruce snapped. "If I didn't take care of them they'd get infected and never heal. I know how to treat my own cuts and I've done it more then you have."

"Know how to take care of yourself?! Look at what you're doing to yourself!"

"I've seen it well enough but have you?"

"I'm sure some of our medical tools could heal them faster them normal. I believe this is a good idea. You yourself hinted that you want them to heal and not get infected."

Bruce's face once again cashed out on his emotions and he stared off away from them.

"I have no choice."

* * *

Good job Diana and Clark for sticking to it!^^ Now my poor Bruce can start to be taken care of. I didn't do much of what the trio were thinking towards the end because they were in shock and I'll write more on how they feel about this revelation in the next chapter. Hope you liked it.

BTW ~ depression(which Bruce has in this story) should never be taken lightly because you cannot wake out easily without help as it is a mental condition also cutting is very serious and should be helped immediately. It does occur in adults but most of the time is not caught as often as in teens.


	3. Chapter 3

As they walked towards the infirmary Bruce realized he wasn't as angry or upset that they found out as he thought he would be. So much worry had gone in to keeping the secret that when the reveal came he was simply too exhausted. The group really had yet to say anything to him so he figured his thoughts might change when the questions came.

He was tired though. His brows scrunched together and he concentrated the most on getting to the next room but the effort it was taking him was staggering. He hoped the day would be over soon.

Diana and Clark walked on either side of Bruce both thinking in the back of their minds that he might try to get out of the situation one way or another. Looking at him made them realize this probably wasn't the case.

His limbs had stiffened and his whole body was screaming jaded. Clark almost couldn't fathom what had been revealed to him. He knew his friend was dark and that he had moments of despair but too go this far was too much for him to understand.

He always thought of cutting as a teenage problem.

An adult wouldn't twice about it.

Bruce was a very private person so he wondered if it had simply never been caught by Alfred when he was growing up but he quickly banished the idea. The League had treated him before and there weren't even scars. Diana was already running through game plans on what to do. They should treat him first and make sure he didn't start up again.

If he escaped their grasp and tried to hide having the whole League look for him would stop the cat and mouse game before it would have to get him to talk.

Once they found out the cause for his actions then they could do something about it while perhaps giving him some medication she had heard about. When they entered the room Bruce walked straight over to the examination bed and sat down.

He watched without moving as Martian took his arm and slowly began undoing the armor.

Bruce's lips quirked in a dark smile as he realized this was all taking place not as Bruce Wayne but as Batman.

He had always separated the two and in the last months Batman had been his escape. Batman was the strong, proud figure and Bruce was the frail human. He supposed this was just another way of fate reminding him he was nothing no matter what mask he put on. Martian was down to his bandages now and began slowly unwrapping the gauze.

He sighed deeply as the alien removed the last shield from their eyes and heard the occupants in the room gasp. He felt so damn tired.

Clark realized he never fully believed until he saw it and felt his stomach grow sick.

How could he do that to himself?

He felt a little angry at Bruce because how dare he. Cuts ran up and down the arms he could see some cuts over old scars, some on fresh skin, and some still struggling to heal in the mess of his arm. Diana could feel the tears stinging in her eyes and forced herself to look at Bruce's face.

"Why? Why Bruce?"

He didn't answer.

"You at least own us an explanation."

Bruce didn't see the need to answer them because he couldn't think of a reason. It was impulse most of the time and he could never stem the feeling to anything with real significance. Sure he could say his parents had died in front of his face but so did a lot of kid's parents. His mother could have been raped and then killed.

He had more money than he knew what to do with it. He had a great friend in Alfred and although he sometimes was the shiftiest parent that existed his kids still cared about him.

No, there was no reason for his actions that he had ever pinpointed but his own weakness and stupidity. How could he answer when he didn't understand it himself?

Clark felt annoyed that Bruce had refused to listen to them and anxiety was started to settle in his breast.

"Do you what to die!?"

Bruce looked at him when he said that. His eyes looked jaded.

"I'm not trying to kill myself."

"That's not what it looks like."

"I made an oath to my parents not to kill even I count for something."

"Is that why then? You are feeling down and lost about your parents?" Diana questioned.

"No."

He winced as Martin had begun healing part of his arm with a special devise that spread up the process. He then spread disinfectant over them and began wrapping them once more in gauze.

"Did something happen with the kids?"

Bruce just shook his head slightly.

"Stress from work?"

He shook his head with less movement then the last time.

"You're not going to say anything are you!"

"Clark, why don't we talk about this outside okay? Martian get us if you need us."

"I will."

Clark silently followed her outside. She shut the door and then turned on him.

"Will you calm down! Sure Bruce go ahead and tell us what's wrong or I'll punch your head into the wall. That's going to work."

"Oh, like he's ever been one to talk anyway."

"Well he won't now! For all we know he was captured and tortured somewhere only to escape with PTSD or something."

"We're guys Diana of course you wouldn't think it would work. Sometimes a good fight does us some good. In case you didn't notice he wants to die!"

"He never said that."

"Oh it's all the same thing."

"Well if you would have done something when I first noticed it wouldn't be this bad!"

"Now it's my fault! Why didn't you act then? Or are you unable to do anything without me!"

"This isn't about you!"

"You're making it about me!"

* * *

Martian looked warily at the door as he sensed the tension building on the other side and was glad the walls were sound proof. He had just finished wrapping up Bruce's arms and was examining him carefully.

"Would you tell me if you had cuts elsewhere?"

Bruce didn't answer him so he decided to find out for himself. More than often the damage spread. He calmly began undoing the rest of Batman's armor until it was all gone. He helped Bruce, who complied but wasn't very helpful, to remove some of his under armor. Once removed, he treated any other self-inflicted cuts he could find.

"One of the scars on your arm was very deep."

Bruce moved his head away to stare at the floor in the corner.

"Did something happen."

"That was my first one." He said quietly. He didn't know why he answered but he did.

"You cut too deep."

"No."

"It appears you cut a vein which could have killed you."

Bruce nodded.

"That was your intention."

He didn't respond.

"What changed?"

He could sense that he wasn't going to get an answer out of him so he handed him some clothes from the cabinet. He took them and put them on his lap and just stared at them. Bruce knew he should get dressed but for some reason he couldn't quite bring to mind how to put them on. The task before him seemed so vast he didn't think he could accomplish much.

When did he get so pathetic?

Was it always like this?

As he sat there his thoughts were swept away in the storm of despair sweeping over him.

"Bruce, are you going to get changed?"

Martian didn't get an answer and he looked hesitantly at him. He then took the clothes back from his hands, moved his legs onto the bed, and pushed him onto the pillow. Bruce seemed to make a noise in protest.

"You should stay the night for today. Everyone is still trying to take in what has happened. Rest you look tired."

Bruce wasn't in the mood to argue and closed his eyes. Martian removed any sharp object from the room and set up a sensor that would let him know if Bruce got up and phased over to where Diana and Clark were arguing. They quieted when they saw him but the anger was still visible on their faces.

"He is in bed now, resting."

"But we weren't finished talking yet."

"I don't believe he would have answered much. He was hardly responding to my questions and would hardly move."

"Was something wrong."

"Perhaps. He seems to be depressed or he is simply emotionally exhausted. It's best to talk things over and go at this in the morning with a clear head."

The two nodded in agreement. They both had some cooling off to do.

"What if he tries something?"

"I have the room under surveillance. We will know if something happens before it does."

* * *

Diana and Clark both tried to sleep but found it impossible. They wound up bumping into each other in the kitchen. They both had decided to stay at the watchtower till they figured out what was going on. They stayed silent throughout the night. When morning came other members of the crew came and left with random errands but Superman and Wonder Woman stayed aloft.

"I guess we should wait till he wakes up."

"Yeah."

Martian walked into the room and greeted the pair.

"Morning. You ready to see Batman?"

"I figured we would wait till he wakes up."

Martian shook his head.

"He has been awake for a while. It will be fine. It was his behavior this morning that bothered me. When I check on him, he was very unresponsive."

"I guess that's to be expected."

"You will see what I mean."

The group walked to the infirmary and quietly slipped in without the notice of other members. Bruce was still lying down with his eyes gazing at the wall and his mouth slightly parted. His eyelids closed slowly every few seconds.

"Morning, Bruce."

Diana said softly. His eyes shifted to her and then back at the wall.

"Why don't we go get breakfast?"

He watched them for a little bit and then rolled his head over so he was facing away from them. Clark sighed.

"Look, I'm sorry I got so angry yesterday but you really scared me. How did you expect I would react? You don't have to say if you don't want to."

Bruce looked away from them because he felt his eyes moisten. A crushing ocean of sorrow was drowning him and there was nothing he or anyone else could do about it. He had a headache from crushing his brows together for so long and if he moved too much he felt even more exhausted.

Moving was a chore, breathing even seemed to tire him out; there wasn't a point to get out of bed either. If he did manage to get away from Diana and Clark he wouldn't be able to accomplish anything worthwhile anyway. He was too tainted and ridiculous, some spoiled rich kid who wanted to play dress up and imagine himself a hero like Superman or Wonder Woman.

He closed his eyes tightly and took in a sharp breath. His pillow began to feel damp. Diana was still debating whether they should drag him out of bed when she heard the change in his breathing pattern.

She glanced at Clark and knew he thought the same thing. Was he crying? She didn't know what they would have said to upset him so much.

"Bruce? Are you okay?"

He didn't answer as she walked towards the bed and sat down on it. She laid slightly on it and wrapped him in a hug which he didn't shake off. Clark shook his head and turned to whisper to Martian.

"Did you ever take a blood test to see if he's been drugged?"

"No, I have not."

"I think we should just to be sure something hasn't been messing with him."

Clark got a syringe ready and walked over and kneeled in front of him.

"I'm going to take a sample of your blood okay?"

He didn't get a response because Bruce had hid his face from him in the pillow. Clark sighed and took his sample quickly and put it in the computer. After running several tests the computer detected nothing. He didn't feel confident in the computer's results so he looked Bruce over with his vision.

He noticed his brain activity was spiked in some areas but he couldn't understand if it meant anything because he was not that familiar with the normal functions.

"His brain activity is irregular. I can't tell if something is wrong though."

Diana looked up and crept off the bed over to Clark.

"So someone did this to him."

"I'm not sure but the circuits in his brain are irregular. I think. I'm really just guessing here."

Bruce growled slightly into his pillow as he listened to them. The fog that had descended over his mind was clearing and their pitiful explanations were starting to tax him. It wasn't like he wasn't in the room. He suddenly began to feel angry and flung out of the bed not bothering to wonder how he remembered to move again.

His brows fixed tighter and he clenched his teeth as his headache flared at the sudden movement. He moved towards the door but Clark blocked his way.

"Hey, slow down. What's going on?"

"I have to use the fucking restroom Clark. Get out of my way."

He glared at him with noticeably still red eyes and the others stared back at him bewildered. His action was typical of his normal behavior but out of place in the circumstances.

"Umm, okay well I guess we will get breakfast when you are done."

He moved aside and Bruce huffed past him and slammed the door to the restroom across from them. Martian nodded to both of them and took his leave.

"He better not try anything."

"He won't I can hear him."

* * *

Bruce finished his business being careful to avoid the mirror. It made him uncomfortable. He pursed his lips together in thought. It was going to be difficult to cut if he had to with the watchful eyes of those two.

It was their fault he had got so bad the other day and this morning. He couldn't even move and that thought nearly petrified him again. If he had just been able to use his knife he would have been able to function.

He would have been able to move. He would have been able to think, to feel something bedsides misery. Yet, even as he stood in the bathroom still angry at his friends he couldn't remember what it felt like to be happy or how he would ever be happy again. It was impossible. He tried to gear his thoughts and think of something else but that only seemed to make the feelings worse.

So still a little shaken, he flung the door open with the best glare he could manage. Maybe if he kept moving he would never have to worry about not being able to. He left the bathroom and started hurriedly towards the kitchen.

"Wait!"

Clark grabbed his shoulder and Bruce turned around with a hiss to glare at him.

"What."

"You're not in costume."

He vaguely recognized he should care but he didn't.

"Your point?"

"Don't you care about your identity?"

"Obviously not or I would have done something about it."

The pair frowned and Clark shook his head.

"No, it's not right."

He flew away and in a matter of a couple seconds had placed a domino mask over Bruce's face. Bruce just glared at him and turned back down the hall. They entered the kitchen together and Green Lantern turned around to see who entered the room.

"Hey guys." He said to them.

"Hello."

Superman and Wonder Woman responded but Bruce just grunted at him.

"Batman?"

"What." He snapped.

"What happened? Why are you out of costume?"

"That's really none of your business and I would appreciate it if you didn't spread the word."

Clark interjected while Bruce simply ignored them and sat at the table with a disinterested manner. Green Lantern, feeling very awkward, left the room to continue his monitoring duty. Clark quickly made them all eggs and toast and set a plate before each of them.

Bruce looked at his food and then at Clark and Diana who had begun to eat. He still didn't feel hungry. He should have by now because he hadn't eaten in a few days but eating didn't seem right. He already knew the food wouldn't taste like anything. Clark watched as Bruce picked up his fork and poked at his eggs a little bit. He sipped his orange juice once and set it back down.

"You need to eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"No appetite? You didn't eat anything last night you should be hungry."

"Well, I'm not."

"When was the last time you've eaten?"

"I haven't been hungry."

"Come on, you're the only one not eating and I did make that for you thanks."

Bruce looked back down at his food and silently ate some food. Clark smiled a little and they sat in silence for a while. He only ate about a third of it before putting his fork down. He frowned.

"Alfred is probably worried. I should go back to Gotham soon."

Diana and Clark shared a hesitant glance.

"You can't just go back. This changes things you know."

He said nothing.

"What do you think we should do?"

"Alfred is worried."

Clark stared hard at Bruce who was looking away from them to the right. His lips were partially open and his eyes lowered to the corner floorboards.

"I'm sorry. We can go back but I have to tell him."

"What?"

His eyes snapped back to Clark's and stared semi-angrily at him.

"We can't keep you locked up here in the watch tower. You need to be at your own home."

"It's my father's house." He snapped.

He knew escaping them would be impossible and he lacked energy to argue.

"If you tell Dick, I swear..."

"We won't tell him." Diana said.

The pair got up and Diana had to put her hand on his shoulder to coax him up and they began walking towards the transporter. Clark and Diana shared a relieved look. They were far out of their league and hoped Alfred would know what to do.

Perhaps he was even aware of what was making him so down. Deep down they both felt relieved the next course of action was in someone else's hands.

The walk down the hallway was long and narrowed with every step. Bruce wasn't sure it had ever taking this long but they moved so slow he had time to study each tile as they past. He felt pressure building in his chest and resisted the urge to massage his chest. His ears picked up a long beeping noise and he rubbed them and it slowly faded but the pressure remained.

It was in his chest, in his ears, in his heart, on his shoulders, on his feet. The seconds dragged and he swore he could hear the clock ticking leisurely in the background. It wasn't until the watchtower faded away and the cave into view did Clark realized what Bruce was doing.

He reached over and grabbed his arm and yanking it away from him. Bruce jumped.

"What the hell?"

He stared at him and looked down. Clark felt Bruce's hand go limp and he released him. Bruce was bleeding. He had been scratching. Clark didn't know what to say so he didn't mention anything. It unnerved him that he had been just as surprised by the blood.

"Alfred is in the living room. Richard's not here so you don't have to worry about him."

Bruce heard Clark's words but couldn't make sense of them. His breathing picked up when he realized he couldn't control his hearing. He quickly lost control of his entire body and it was as if someone else was making him walk up the stairs to the house.

He began to sweat and his throat felt tight. The ringing in his ears returned and he stopped and put his hands to his throat. The tightness had increased and suddenly he couldn't breathe. Clark turned around when he heard a pained gasp from Bruce just in time to catch him. He was sweating and shaking all over.

"Bruce! What's wrong!" Diana cried.

She cupped his face and upon seeing it immediately began trying to sooth him.

"Shhh, it's okay. You're safe."

She looked at Clark.

"It looks like he got fear toxin in his system somehow."

"I'll get the antidote."

Clark left. She could hear Alfred coming in their direction. Clark returned and they quickly gave him the shot and waited for it to work. They waited but it had no effect.

"It must be a different one; you'll need to take his blood. Just hurry Clark. I hate seeing him like this."

Clark departed again. Alfred rushed to her side as soon as he entered the room.

"What happened?"

She saw him look him over and continued to hold Bruce's hand as Alfred soothed him.

"Clark went to get an antidote."

They both were quiet as they waited. Bruce's rasping gasps echoed off the walls. Diana heard Clark before he said anything.

"Well, hurry up!"

"His blood was clean."

"What?"

"He's not infected with anything. I don't know maybe it's new and likes to hide. I didn't find anything."

"Watch him please." Alfred said.

He got a blood sample and rushed down to the cave. Clark knelt next to Diana.

"I don't know Clark. I just don't know. He's not fighting any of this. What happened?"

Clark sighed and picked Bruce up. Bruce's body didn't register Clark but the movement caused a flash of nausea over him. He groaned and sweat some more. His eyes were wide open in fear and anxiety in such immense waves that he didn't remember anything else. All he knew and remembered was that he was afraid and had been before.

They laid him in his bed and Diana ran her hand through his hair. They waited for Alfred to return and minutes passed. Bruce's breathing had slowed down considerably and his heart had calmed. He looked exhausted and worn out but the fear was gone. Alfred returned with a solemn expression and sat down on the bed next to Bruce.

"Are you feeling better Master Bruce?"

He said as he put his hand to his forehead. Bruce closed his eyes and then looked at the pillow. He felt in control of himself now but the pressure was still there. More than anything he wanted Alfred to leave so he wouldn't have to reveal to him what he had been doing.

He was helplessly ashamed but if he did not say something Clark would.

"My wrists hurt. I didn't want you to know."

Alfred pulled his hand away from him and left it hanging there.

"That's why I locked you out of the cave."

Alfred looked at Bruce's arms and grabbed his hand and pulled it towards him. Clark felt bad because he had forgotten to take care of the bleeding but Alfred didn't seem to care and unwound the wrinkled bloody bandage.

His brow fixed tightly when he began taking them off and he sucked in a deep breath. Bruce closed his eyes when Alfred removed his bandages. He didn't want to see his face. He felt his fingers trace the scars gently and the hand gripping his tighten. He felt the hands leave his own and gently slide to cup his face so it was lifted upwards.

His eyes opened to meet Alfred's. They both looked incredibly tired.

"This isn't from a drug?"

"No."

He saw him look away and back at him.

"You wanted to do this."

He heard two people leave the room and felt cornered. He didn't have anything to say to that. He wanted to but he didn't want to do it. As his hands left his face he repositioned himself so he wasn't so spread out on the bed.

"Sometimes."

"Why?"

"It makes it go away."

"What?"

"The pressure, haze, helps me think, keeps me from freezing up, takes my mind away from things."

"How did you start?"

"I… it doesn't matter."

"If it didn't matter this wouldn't have happened."

"Couldn't you tell just by looking?"

He accused. The bed bounced back up as Alfred got off it. The water was turned on and he returned with a warm rag. He began cleaning his wrist and bandaging it once more.

"That's not why I'm asking you these questions, Bruce."

Bruce studied Alfred as he worked.

"I asked Mr. Kent and Ms. Diana to see if you were alright. I admit I wasn't expecting this but my other theory wasn't wrong."

Once he finished, he tucked Bruce's arm against his chest.

"You haven't been yourself, nor have you been as motivated as usual for a multitude of reasons."

"I've been like that before."

"This time, I'm afraid we can't just let it go."

"What do you mean?"

"Dealing with your emotions as you have been isn't working. Don't you think it's time to try something new."

"…"

"You need to see someone."

"That will compromise my identity."

"There are many things that can be said without giving away Batman."

"It will ruin my public image."

"I don't want your public image to be Richard Cory*."

His voice had left him so he just nodded.

"I'll look into someone suitable. Have you eaten today?"

"I had breakfast."

"I'll bring you some tea later."

"I don't know why I did it. Nothing has changed. I thought about it for so long but couldn't think of one valid reason why. It's so stupid. It's all for nothing. I have no reason feel this shitty and yet I do. I don't get it Alfred. I can't comprehend it this time."

He put his hand on the side of Bruce's face and rubbed his thumb back and forth. His thumb grew tired so he drew it away.

"You should try to sleep now. I will take care of everything else."

He walked softly out of the room and kept the door wide open. It wasn't long till Diana and Clark were at his side questioning him on what the problem was. He looked at them for a while as if he was mulling over the proper words to use.

"There are times when Master Bruce acted similarly but never before has he caused harm. I believe this time he will require more than rest to get through this ordeal."

"Have no doubt Alfred we will be here but what brought his behavior about."

"I am not sure and he admits he does not know either. I believe his words are sincere."

"How can you possibly not know why you did something so horrendous?"

"Perhaps time will tell."

Alfred disappeared into the study and when they peaked in they noticed he had a large book pulled out and was looked for something. They both slipped into the kitchen and Clark decided to make some tea. Alfred had said he would but he was busy at the moment and Clark felt better if he had something to do.

As he sat waiting for the water to boil he heard it before everyone else did. He remained frozen and listened unsure whether to give the man some space or go to him. Never the less he was remained of what Alfred had spoken moments ago and excused himself from the room. When he entered Bruce's bedroom the man was curled up to his pillow which was growing damper with every shake of his body.

The scene reminded him of the day when someone had brought their son to the office. He had fallen and broken his arm which left him crying pitifully in his parents' arms.

Only this time, his arm was not what was broken and his parents weren't there.

* * *

*allusion to Edwin Arlington Robinson's poem "Richard Cory" ~ I couldn't resist throwing that in there.

Now if you haven't already guessed why Bruce is acting like he is it will probably be revealed in the next chapter. I spent many long hours researching his behavior so I hope you liked the chapter. I struggled with how Alfred would react. For a while I was going to make him angry and not very helpful because he was so mad but I changed my mind as I was writing the part.

BTW ~ depression(which Bruce has in this story) should never be taken lightly because you cannot wake out easily without help as it is a mental condition also cutting is very serious and should be helped immediately. It does occur in adults but most of the time is not caught as often as in teens.


End file.
